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(1904—1996),U.S. actress

I do wish I could tell you my age but it is impossible. It keeps changing all the time.

(1890—1977)

U.S. comedian

Africa is God's county, and he can have it.

(1890—1977)

U.S. comedian

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

(1890—1977)

U.S. comedian

Just remember, my little cabbage, if there weren't any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks, and if there weren't any hooks, there wouldn't be any fish, which would suit me fine.

(1890—1977)

U.S. comedian

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

(1890—1977)

U.S. comedian

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

(1890—1977)

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows--marriage does.

(1890—1977) in Monkey Business

Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to state of extreme poverty.

(1935--)

U.S. comedian

Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.

(1897—1987)

British actress

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.