Contents of F:
Tobacco is the only excuse for Columbus's misadventure of discovering America.
(1855—1933), My Trip to Scotland
If the Scotch knew enough to go in when it rained, they would never get any outdoor exercise.
Good swimmers are oftenest drowned.
He that hath no fools, knaves, or beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning.
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of a snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
The best job that was ever offered to me was to become a landlord in a brothel. In my opinion it's the perfect milieu for an artist to work in.
Apparently men can be cured of drugs, drink, gambling, biting his nails and picking his nose, but not of marrying.
My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky.