W
Contents of W:
(1887—1943)
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm.
(1221—1284), Spanish king
If I had been present at creation, I would have given some helpful hints.
A man really writes for an audience of about ten persons. Of course if others like it, that is clear gain. But if those ten are satisfied, he is content.
All the world over and at all times there have been practical men, absorbed in irreducible and stubborn facts; and at all times there have been men of philosophical temperament, who have been absorbed in the weaving of general principles.
Although a man may not think of anything new after he is sixty, he often finds new ways to use what he already knows.
I am suggesting that a good many of the people, including prominent ones, who are now regarded as scientists are really little more than technicians. Only once in a while do we get a really swagger scientist.
In formal logic, a contradiction is a signal of a defeat; but in the evolution of real knowledge it marks the first step in progress towards a victory. This is one great reason for the utmost toleration of variety of opinion.
It should be the chief aim of a university professor to exhibit himself in his true character that is as an ignorant man thinking, actively utilizing his small share of knowledge.
Science can find no individual enjoyment in Nature; science can find no aim in Nature; science can find no creativity in Nature; it finds mere rules of succession.
Scientists animated by the purpose of proving that they are purposeless constitute an interesting subject for study.
The justification of a university is that it preserves the connection between knowledge and the zest of life, by uniting the young and the old in the imaginative consideration of learning. The university imparts information, but it imparts it […]
English mathematicianphilosopher
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
(1944--)
U.S. author
Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.
The pen may be stronger than the sword...but I'd rather have a sword in a dark alley.
(1834—1867)
U.S. humorist
Gentlemen, I give you Upper Canada, because I don't want it myself.
(1834—1867), "Fourth of July Oration"
I am not a politician, and my other habits are good.
(1834—1867), Natural History, Chapter Three
I am happiest when I am idle. I could live for months without performing any kind of labor, and at the expiration of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the same way for […]
U.S. cartoonist, "Calvin and Hobbes"
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
(1906—2002), Hollywood director
France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands, but you can't tear the toilet paper.
There is one exception to the rule "Never eat at a restaurant called Mom's." If you're in a small town, and the only other place is called Eats--then go to Mom's.
(1829—1900), "My Summer in a Garden"
Blessed be agriculture! if one does not have too much of it.
(1829—1900), in the Hartford Courant ca. 1890 (often attributed incorrectly to Mark Twain)
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
(1890—1961)
U.S. Secretary of Defense, 22 May 1955
It's futile to talk much about the past--something like trying to make birth control retroactive.
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
U.S. economist
Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors. Those who do study it will find some other ways to err.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
The thing that impresses me most about Americans is the way parents obey their children.
(1899-- 1985)
English writer
It is easier for a man to be loyal to his club than to his planet; the by-laws are shorter, and he is personally acquainted with the other members.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
(1907—1987), American newspaper columnist for the Field Newspaper Syndicate
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
(1907—1987), American newspaper columnist from Field Newspaper Syndicate
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
U.S. columnist, New York
There ought to be a better way of starting the day than having to get up.
(1891—1947)
The typical Englishman is a strong being who takes a cold bath in the morning and talks about it for the rest of the day.
U.S. politician
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.
(1867—1959) U.S. architect
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
(1941--)
U.S. conservative columnist
Football combines the two worst features of American life: violence and committee meetings.
(1866—1946)
English author
If at the end your cheerfulness is not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful.
(1866—1946), "America"
Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich.
(1941--)
British authoractor
You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside.
You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside.
(1915--)
U.S. novelist
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
(1894—1971) on plotting
Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl.
(1935--)
U.S. comedy writerdirector
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
(1924- )
U.S. Democratic politician
If you don't have a policeman to stop traffic and let you walk across the street like you are somebody, how are you going to know you are somebody?
(1647—1680)
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.
(1926--)
British writer
Americans, indeed, often seem to be so overwhelmed by their children that they'll do anything for them except stay married to the co-producer.
(1926--)
British writer
Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.
One of the principle troubles about inflation is that the public likes it.
(1892—1980), New York Mirror, April 6, 1958
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day--and another, in case it doesn't rain.
(1892—1980), The Wit and Wisdom of Mae West, edited by Joseph Wintraub
He who hesitates is last.
U.S. writer
If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform.
(1888—1963), actor
The trouble with the French is that they sit around twenty-four hours a day talking French.
(1938—1981)
U.S. actress
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
(1915 — 1985)
U.S. actor
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
(1915 — 1985)
U.S. actordirector
I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.
(1881—1975), Cocktail Time, 1958
Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black mustache.
(1970--)
A large, clumsy umbrella is the best protection against the rain: there will be no rain as long as you're lugging it around.
We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
(1892—1983) Irish author
The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.
(24 March 1958)
Poets, you know, are terribly sensitive people, and in my observation, one of the things they are most sensitive about is cash.
(1952--)
U.S. actor
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
(1952--)
U.S. actor
God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
(1568—1639)
English poet
An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for his country.
quoted in Vanity Fair, 1984
I was caesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.
(1897 — 1975), playwright
Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.
Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public.
(1882—1941)
British author
I read the book of Job last night--I don't think God comes out well in it.
(1819—1892)
U.S. poet
The Americans, like the English, probably make love worse than any other race.
(1819—1892)
U.S. poet
The Americans, like the English, probably make love worse than any other race.
(1897—1972)
U.S. gossip columnist
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
(1897—1972)
U.S. gossip columnist
A pessimist is one who builds dungeons in the air.
Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde (October 16, 1854 – November 30, 1900) was an Irish playwright, novelist, poet, and short story writer. Known for his barbed wit, he was one of the most successful playwrights of late Victorian London, and one of the […]
(1883—1963)
U.S. poet, 7 January 1957
I think all writing is a disease. You can't stop it.
Since I entered politics, I have chiefly had men's views confided to me privately. Some of the biggest men in the United States, in the Field of commerce and manufacture, are afraid of something. They know that there is a power somewhere so organized, so […]